The BIG White Elephant

SUICIDE!!!

Suicide is ALWAYS the big white elephant in the center of the room. Those with PTSD don't ever want to talk about it, every doctor or health care provider is required to ask about it, and aside from asking me I'm going to kill someone today. When I do tell folks I have PTSD, that is one of their top 3 questions. Where did you go? What is your kill count? Are you suicidal? All of these questions are unacceptable!! If I chose to share any of those with you, you are probably another Veteran and we are both sharing stories in hopes of relieving just a little of the mental pressure that is building.

I was blessed to be at an event hosted by the Forgotten Sons MC, raising awareness for PTSD. I had a Vietnam Vet come up to my booth and very graciously share a very small story with me about the VA. He needed knee surgery and before the VA would take a look at his knee he was forced to talk about his PTSD...he clearly had found his coping mechanisms over the years, but the VA wanted to drag ALL that luggage back out before they would hep him with his knee. In listening to him I had a personal epiphany. Why should ANYONE be allowed to ask me about my suicidal tendencies, except for my doctor who has to under the VA guidelines. I saw through this veteran how personal that question is. He went on to talk about how he allows any veteran who wants to come to his shop where he literally has a corner veterans can come and just sit and be. They are allowed to cry, scream, be silent, but most importantly they are allowed to let down their guard for a moment and know that another Veteran has their back. This Vietnam Vet at this point began to well up, struggling for each word as he discussed himself and those who have come to sit in his corner. He was quickly surrounded in protection by ALL the other veteran bikers that were there and allowed to be himself in safety and comfort. When he left the badass patched bikers that were still standing there said, "I've know that badass dude for decades and I've NEVER seen him break down like that." Now please realize the humility I saw on all those bikers was so powerful. And the message that Veteran shared with me was even more humbling. But it brought me to the epiphany that suicide is so intimate. I'm not endorsing suicide. I am though telling everyone, it is my choice, and it is one of the scariest demons I deal with. Currently, I am staying strong for this project in hopes that I can be a success and show others with PTSD that they too can be successful with finding a path that works for them.

Here are some numbers on suicide you are more then welcome to fact check me on...

Reportedly 22 Veterans a day kill themselves...thats 8030 Veterans a year. Vietnam ended in 1976...that's 42 years ago.

Thats 337,260 Veteran suicides since the end of that war...I genuinely believe those numbers to be much much highly, but those are the numbers that can be proven.

These numbers don't represent a single civilian suicide due to PTSD, and yet I haven't heard or seen one news station ever talk about these numbers. While any school shooting, church shooting, or any other mass shooting is a tragedy, it is covered for a week or two, while they try to take our 2nd amendment away. Where is the coverage on ALL of these brave men and women who severed our country so proudly?

22 is WAY TOO MANY...1 a day is too many for me.

And for any of you doubters out there...I have tasted the metal of my gun in my mouth.