A day off?

I think "normal" people look forward to a day off, I DON'T! They are the days I slow down from everything to catch up with me. The things I haven't gotten done...I told M that I would start doing his programming so that we could both start working out again. I was suppose to do that a week ago. M was my mentor at my last command, he actually caught me trying to kill myself, and stopped me. M was also there for the entire melt down, ground zero. Now I have thanked M many times over and apologized for what he had to see me go through. So I am currently letting him down. I don't like days off cause there is no mission prep. Overseas I got days off, but alls we did was work out and get ready for the next work day, there weren't really any days off. I do feel like I am working 2 jobs, aside from my bartender gig, I am throwing EVERYTHING I have at this project. I military regular of mine saw our flag ship video and passed it off to another veteran who is now a big VP at his firm. I think we might have a meeting with him tomorrow, that is success to me, one step closer to what my brother needs to be successful. I don't know if I mentioned this already but I am no longer able to except compliments. I mean people pay them to me, but I always deflect. Someone asked me the other day what I miss from before I joined the military, my response,"My self esteem". They laughed and said that was funny because I am a very confident person. I am confident, but know that I am broken so far that when people get to know me, the real me, they no longer like me. Perfect example, I am a bartender and play everything as neutral as possible, my tip is usually on the line. As many of you know the Chargers left SD, due to Spano's assholeness. A regular asked me if I was going to support them still. I smiled and gave a PC answered as to not tarnish the bar's reputation or to offend anyone that was in listening distance. He looked back at me and said, "Wow, you really dodged answering that question, do you ever have an opinion on anything?" I told him I have opinions but they normally scare folks. He laughed and asked me to lay my opinion on him. SO here goes for all to hear....

I looked him right in the eyes and said, "Fuck professional athletes!!!! When I was overseas in 06-07 football, baseball, basketball, and hockey all struck because they didn't make enough millions per game. I was working 18 hr days in 100 degree weather, plus gear all for the great lump sum of 35K a year. Overseas we only get 3 channels know as the AFN (Armed Forces Network) and I wasn't big into watching sports before I went overseas but when there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do sports tends to remind you of home and what you are really fighting for. But these assholes didn't make enough per game, which is more then I make all year. If thats not enough, every warrior I know, knows stats on all of their favorite athletes. Now if I walked into any locker room of any professional team and asked anyone of those knuckle heads stats on any ONE warrior, would they even know someone who served?"

He couldn't handle it, got real nervous and stopped talking to me after that. Why do you call me out if you didn't really want to hear what I had to say, and I didn't even touch on the Kapernick bull shit. So on my "dayoff" I try to keep myself as busy as possible and run myself into the ground, the numbier I can make myself the better.